why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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