You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
