I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
