apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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