I looked at my own cervix.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
