I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
