if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize