Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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