Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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