I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
