AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
