I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
