I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
