I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
