For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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