We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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