Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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