wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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