Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
