I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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