Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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