call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
