Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
