she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
