Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
