East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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