he wants to bone in the snuggie
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
