She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
