just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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