I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
