I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize