I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
