I wish I could teleport
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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