"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
