instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
