everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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