Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
