Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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