New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Found your dick twin last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
