Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
