Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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