Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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