clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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