Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
