Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
