If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
