Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
