The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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