Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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