first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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