I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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