fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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