I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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