okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
