is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
