I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
