I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
