Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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