Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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