there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
