Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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