He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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