omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
