giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
