dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
