12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
