It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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