omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
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You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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