I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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