so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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