Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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