so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard