She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
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Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?