We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
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I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.