Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(510): View more from California

I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.

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(253): View more from Washington

i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"

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(313): View more from Michigan

theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Dude you has no fucking this poptart

(719): View more from Colorado

What?

(843): View more from South Carolina

I dont know to explain this.

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(469): View more from Texas

On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.

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(616): View more from Michigan

EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD

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(450): View more from Quebec

THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE

(450): View more from Quebec

GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC

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