I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
