You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
