I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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