i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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