i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
