with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
