he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
did i just pee glitter
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
