Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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