Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
