all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you made out with another girl for some wings
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
