I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
