Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
